WWF RAW is RAW - January 17th 2000

- Some video of Martin Luther King is shown with a Vince McMahon voiceover.

- Tonight, we get an update on Stone Cold Steve Austin.

- We recap last weeks RAW and Smackdown, including the reveal of Cactus Jack.

- Usual RAW opening video plays.

- Cactus Jack makes his way down. And the first thing he does when he speaks is mess up the word "congratulations". He "conglatulates" HHH on doing the impossible: making Mankind mad. He tells HHH he should have known there was a sick SOB deep down inside. He said when he got busted open with the ringbell, he kinda liked it, because it awoke the SOB inside him. Jack takes it to the titantron where footage is played from a HHH vs Cactus Jack match from September 1997 at MSG. Jack says after the beating he has took over the years a normal man would have stopped fighting, but he isn't a normal man. Jack says Mankind will return one day, but not for a while. Jack says he doesn't regret all the pain he has took over the years, because it made him what he is, a bad SOB. He says Sunday, he will take all of his aggression out on HHH. He says his new attire isn't a change in outfit, it's a change of mindset. He says he will kick HHH's pansy ass at the Rumble. He calls out HHH. HHH comes out on stage alone. HHH says for the last 4 days he has only thought about Cactus Jack. He admits he wouldn't have chose a street fight at the Rumble, but he says he will pull out all the stops to keep the title. HHH tells Jack as sadistic as he is, HHH can be even more evil than Jack can imagine. HHH says he figured something out: As sick as Jack is, Mick Foley hates Cactus Jack and is afraid of him. HHH says the difference between them is when Jack gets to that level of evilness, Foley resents it, but when HHH gets to that level, he loves it. He tells Jack to be afraid because he will bring it at the Rumble. Jack has a question about tonight: Will HHH get in the ring with him right now? HHH says he would love to, but then invites a few more "guests": DX. Jack goes out to meet them and a brawl erupts. The Rock comes out (complete with a music problem) but Big Show attacks him from behind. Now Show starts attacking DX, and the Acolytes run in and attack the NAO. Acolytes and NAO fight through the crowd and out of sight, Xpac runs off and Jack and HHH are brawling. HHH runs away through the crowd. That got pretty confusing at the end.

- We look back at moments ago.

Match #1
WWF Hardcore Champion The Big Bossman vs Test

This is a title match. Another #13 vignette is shown on the titantron before the match. They immediately fight into the crowd. Nothing but punches here folks. They are fighting backstage and it's pitch black. Bossman sends Test into a bathroom. Test sends Bossman through some cubicles. Someone was sitting on one of the toilets and they shout something. Back in the corridor and Test is trapped under a shutter door. Bossman gets a 2 count. Test fires back with some rights and he starts choking Bossman with toilet paper. Yes, I'm serious. They fight back into the crowd. Test gets smacked with a trashcan. Prince Albert runs in and is immediately hit with the trashcan. Bossman gets a 2 inside the ring. Bossman has the nightstick but Albert comes in and starts brawling with the Bossman. Test nails them both and throws out Albert. Test goes up top with the nightstick and hits an elbow from the top with the nightstick for 3 at 4:15 to become the new Hardcore champion. The time is a rough guess seeing as the bell never actually rung to start the match.

Typical trainwreck hardcore match, complete with really sloppy production work. 1/2*

- Backstage with DX. He puts the NAO in a match with Rock and Big Show. HHH tells Xpac they face the Acolytes.

- We see Terri backstage. My god those tits.

- Coach interviews The Bossman. He promises revenge on Albert tonight.

Match #2
The Godfather and D'lo Brown w/ Ho's vs Edge and Christian

Christian starts with D'lo. He works over Christian in the corner. Christian fires back and sends D'lo into the corner. Christian hits a hiptoss and a dropkick. Edge tags in. Spinning heel kick by Edge and a lariat. D'lo with a knee to the stomach. He tags in Godfather. Sloppy clothesline by Godfather. He hits a kick and drops a couple of elbows for 2. D'lo tags in. Edge with a Lou Thesz Press for 2. D'lo tags in Godfather. TEH CLUBBING BLOWZ hit, as does a scoop slam. He goes up top and tries a splash but Edge gets the knees up. Hot tag and Christian and D'lo tag in. Crowd is DEAD. Christian hits an inverted atomic drop. Godfather comes in and gets speared by Edge. D'lo whips Christian into the apron where a ho is standing and she gets injured. Edge goes to check on her and D'lo hits Sky High on Christian for 3 at 3:51. Godfather has a mic. He gives Edge some Ho's for the night.

That sucked. Really sloppy and boring. 1/4*

-  Bossman is beating on Albert backstage. He throws him into a woman's locker room and Tori is in there. Gonna guess Kane destroys Albert later.

- Tori comes into DX's locker room and wants Kane to face Albert. Steph obliges.

Match #3
Kurt Angle vs Mystery Opponent

Angle has a mic. He says tonight's opponent is a mystery but he is still confident. His opponent is...Steve Blackman. That was underwhelming. Blackman begins with some generic martial art offense. Angle with a belly-to-belly suplex. He works over Blackman in the corner. Sign: Mideon = Ratings. Angle goes for a slam of some sort but Steve escapes and they hit a double clothesline. They trade punches. Blackman with a shoulderblock. He clotheslines Angle out. Angle sends Blackman into the post. The British Bulldog comes out and hits Blackman with a kendo stick. That will get Angle a 3 at 2:18. Why Bulldog? So confused.

Match was there. 3/4*

- Coach interviews The Big Show. He says he isn't a fan of The Rock and tries to say to the fans he hasn't turned on them. He tells Rock just to let him deal with the NAO.

- We see The Kat oiling up her legs backstage. King almost has a heart attack. Well, he was banging her at the time.

- Video for The Big Show is aired.

- Terri comes to the ring. King and some divas are already in there. King says there will be a swimsuit contest at the Rumble. He interviews all the participants: Terri, The Kat, Ivory, Jacqueline, Luna (why?) and BB. Ivory tells King he is a pervert, his reaction is essentially "yeah, so?" They devolve into a fight of course. They have a dogpile. Oh god, Mae Young comes out. This is taking forever to get to the point. Then again, I don't think I want it to get that far. She begins to strip. MY EYES THEY BURN. Mark Henry covers her up before she can strip. Thank god. Thank you Mark, I am a fan for life.

- The Acolytes and HHH & Xpac are walking backstage.

- The Slam Of The Week is Test winning the hardcore title from earlier.

Match #4
WWF Champion HHH and Xpac w/ Stephanie McMahon Helmsley vs The Acolytes

Brawl to start. Steph is on commentary. Bradshaw is destroying HHH while Farooq is beating on Xpac. Xpac and Farooq are fighting in the ring. Bradshaw slams HHH on the stage. The Acolytes start beating on Xpac in the ring. Farooq and Xpac are the legal men. Farooq interrupts an Xpac crotch chop with a huge lariat. Bradshaw tags in. He misses a corner charge and gets hit with kicks. Xpac tries a heel kick but gets caught. Bradshaw takes him up top but HHH saves Xpac. Xpac tries a crossbody from the top but gets caught and fallaway slammed. Xpac with a heel kick. He tags in HHH and Farooq tags in too. Facebuster by HHH. Farooq hits a huge spinebuster and Xpac gets clotheslined by Bradshaw. The NAO run in for the DQ at 3:58. DX beat down the Acolytes.

Meh. *

- We cut to a special report by Michael Cole. He is talking about Stone Cold's surgery. It cuts to his surgeon and the poor man looks terrified at the public speaking he is being forced to do. He genuinely looks like he has been photographed having sex with a teenager, just complete terror and confusion written on his face. He kinda looks like a cross between Pat Patterson and Jay Leno actually.

- The Rock is watching a monitor backstage.

- A promo video for Rock is shown.

- DX are backstage celebrating as we look back at moments ago.

- Kevin Kelly interviews The Rock. Rock hits the catchphrase to begin. He wants to talk about Stone Cold. He congratulates Austin on a successful neck surgery. He tells Austin to come back quickly. Rock says Big Show isn't a jabroni, he is a 7 foot 500 pound monkey crap. He says to Show to read his lips and he spells jabroni. He guarantees he will win the Royal Rumble and win the title. Rock says he doesn't need or want Big Show as a partner, and he wants Big Show to stand on the apron and do the one impressive thing he does: He then grunts and raises his hand. Heh. He ends with the usual.

- Jericho is warming up backstage.

Match #5
Jeff Hardy w/ Matt Hardy and Breasts vs Bubba Ray Dudley w/ Dvon Dudley

Bubba comes charging into the ring and we are underway. Jeff hits a whisper in the wind from the top. Jeff with a nice springboard bulldog for 2. Bubba escapes to the outside and Jeff hits a swanton over the top. Jeff goes for a frankensteiner but gets reversed into a powerbomb. Bubba with the chops in the corner. Back body drop and a lariat from Bubba. Headscissors by Jeff but he gets Bubba Bombed. Breasts distracts the ref and Dvon pulls her down. Matt attacks Dvon but gets dropped on the security railing. Back in the ring, Bubba goes for a senton and misses. Jeff hits a neckbreaker and goes up top. Swanton Bomb will get 3 at 2:47. Dvon attacks Jeff after the match. The Dudleys hit a 3D on both Hardys. Bubba gets a table. Jeff gets put onto the table and Bubba powerbombs Matt onto Jeff through the table! Pretty decisive ass whooping by the Dudleys.

Match was decent while it lasted. *1/2

- The Hollys are backstage. As usual Hardcore Holly can't talk properly.

- Backstage with Chyna and The Kat. They yap about Jericho defending the title tonight against Rikishi.

Match #6
Rikishi w/ Too Cool vs WWF Co-Intercontinental Champion Chris Jericho

Jericho welcomes us to RAW is Jericho. He explains he is defending the belt because he is an honourable champion. He calls Rikishi "Rockasichi". He says he is a great dancer but for now he will have to destroy Rikishi. Jericho hits a missile dropkick. He runs into Rikishi and gets flapjacked. He rolls outside and Rikishi sends him into the steps a few times. Springboard dropkick by Jericho. He tries a plancha and gets caught and driven into the ring post. Back in, Rikishi hits the laziest powerslam I've ever seen and hits a legdrop for 2 BROTHA! Jericho tries a flying forearm and hits the ref. Belly-to-belly by Rikishi. He calls for the Banzai drop and Hardcore and Crash run in and get destroyed by Rikishi with Samoan drops. Jericho goes on the attack and gets superkicked. He goes for the Rikishi Driver but Chyna runs in and hits a low blow on Rikishi. Chyna and Y2J get double clotheslined. Rikishi hits Chyna with a belly-to-belly suplex. He goes to Banzai drop Chyna and Holly hits him with a chair for the DQ at 3:27. Too Cool run in to save Rikishi. I should note the crowd is completely dead for this. Rikishi hits a huge Rikishi Driver on Crash. Too Cool dance after the match.

Overbooked but very entertaining and it really put Rikishi over as a monster. The crowd were into him by the end of the match. *3/4

- We look back at Albert and Bossman fighting earlier.

- Weird hype video for Kane is shown to some opera music. I don't think opera when I imagine Kane chokeslamming D'lo Brown. Just saying.

- Cactus Jack and Big Show talk backstage about The Rock.

Match #7
Kane w/ Tori vs Prince Albert w/ No hope

Albert charges in and immediately gets beat down. That was smooth. Big lariat takes down Albert. Kane with elbows and kicks in the corner. Kane gets elbowed on a corner charge and Albert hits a scissor kick. Albert clotheslines Kane out but he gets his neck snapped on the top rope. Kane goes up and hits the clothesline. Kane hits the chokeslam for 3 at 1:18. Albert gets the mic after the match and tells Kane he likes to be dominated by a woman. Err, what?

Complete squash. 1/4*

- Backstage with Cactus Jack and The Rock. Jack is telling Rock he should keep as many friends as possible and Rock doesn't care.

Match #8
WWF Tag Team Champions The New Age Outlaws vs The Big Show and The Rock

OH YOU DIDN'T KNOW. Even The Rock's pop wasn't as loud as expected. This crowd blows. The Rock immediately starts brawling with Big Show and knocks him out of the ring. That was not smart. Ass attacks Rock from behind and it's on. Dogg starts for the NAO. This is pretty much a handicap match. HHH, Xpac and Steph are on the stage on a couch. Dogg with generic brawling. Ass tags in. Rock with a neckbreaker for 2. Ass with a clothesline which the camera misses. Rock rolls outside and Dogg attacks him. Ass Irish whips Rock into Dogg for some reason and Dogg gets clotheslined. He sends Ass into the post but Dogg sends Rock into the steps. Rock is tossed back in and is pinned for a 2. Dogg with the Shake Rattle and Roll. Rock reverses into a Rockbottom but Ass breaks up the count. Ass is tagged in. "Big Show sucks" chant. Ass with a Jackhammer for 2. Goldberg is crying somewhere. Rock hits a spinebuster out of nowhere. Rock is tossed to the outside and Show attacks. He tosses Rock back in. Dogg gets a 2 count. The NAO go for a double team move but Rock counters by low blowing Dogg and slamming Ass. Show pulls Rock outside again and then begins attacking DX. Um, ref? Hello? Show with a huge powerslam to Ass. Dogg has a chair as does Rock. Rock hits Big Show with the chair. Ass pins him for 3 at 6:11. DX celebrate on the ramp. Rock hits a People's Elbow on Show while DX look on.

Pretty much a mess of a match. Hard to follow and pretty boring. 1/2*

Somewhat dull episode as they build to the Rumble. I enjoyed the Rikishi/Jericho match for what it was and seeing Prince Albert get squashed always warms my heart. But the main event blew and the production was really off for some reason. See you for the January 20th Smackdown!